The Navigator
by Zaney HacknSlash
Summary: Gojyo makes mistakes, and Hakkai fixes them, but he's not always happy about it. Very short one shot from the very beginning of the journey. Rated T because I think the f-word may have slipped in there once... Maybe... Please take note, this is a rarity, because I have a really hard time being funny.


**I wrote this on my phone last night during my lunch break at work!**

**According to some people, in the beginning of the journey, not only was Gojyo allowed to ride shotgun, he was also in charge of the map! To me, that sounded like a terrible idea. Here is why I think none of that goes on anymore. If nothing else, it's funny.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

"Just a short break." Sanzo grumbled, climbing out of the back seat.

Goku scrambled out too and began to race around the clearing, screaming about food.

"Of course." I laughed. "Just a handful of minutes to freshen up won't hurt; we're still hours from reaching town." Then I ducked into a clump of tall thick bushes to relieve myself. I'd been driving for hours in discomfort, but convincing Sanzo to allow us a break had been difficult.

I tilted my head back, eyes shut, and focused on the sounds of silence.

Not a second later, someone came tromping, unapologetically, through the bushes behind me.

I tried to conceal my annoyance as I said, "Goku, please. A little privacy if you wouldn't mind?"

Gojyo shouldered up next to me, all but blowing cigarette smoke in my face, "It ain't Goku."

I couldn't help glaring at him, "That only means you have no excuse. What are you doing?"

He stood next to me a moment, chewing his cigarette and staring off into the trees, "Got somethin' to tell ya'."

"It couldn't wait?"

"Naw, dude, be cool."

"What is it?"

He chanced a nervous glance into my eyes before quickly looking away again. It was obvious that this arrangement was uncomfortable for him, and it did seem terribly odd that he would follow me into the bushes when he must have known what I was doing.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, not without concern now.

"No. Well... Kinda', yeah, but...it's not... Shit. You're gonna be pretty pissed."

I laughed as sarcastically as I dared, "Well, you may have noticed that I am in the middle of something similar."

"Sorry, but...we took a wrong turn."

"I don't see any reason why you should come after me while I'm-oh. Wait. What?"

Gojyo looked at me, mouth cocked in the inevitable 'I screwed up again' frown he generally gave me when I entrusted a task, such as remembering to shut off the stove, or taking out the garbage, to him, and he utterly failed. He had the map rolled up in one hand, waved it at me, regretfully.

With a prolonged sigh, I zipped my fly again and turned to him, frowning, "Gojyo."

"I know, I know."

"We've only been on the road for five days."

"I know."

"I agreed to reserve the position of the passenger's seat for you as long as you didn't stir up too much trouble with Goku, and as long as you could act as a reliable navigator."

"I know."

"I told you that, as the driver, I wouldn't have time to make sure you were doing a proper job, and I was trusting you to stay focused."

He winced slightly, "Yeah."

"Where was this turn we missed."

"Uh. It was a while ago, man."

"_Where_?"

He unrolled the map with a flourish, followed our route back with his ring finger, still holding his cigarette between the first two. "Back here."

I stared at the spot, incredulously. It was hours behind us.

"How?" I demanded.

"I dunno. I wasn't paying attention, and we missed it..."

"Because you were busy bickering with Goku." I accused.

"Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck, "probably."

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

My roommate, in all his haphazard glory, stood back, scuffed once at the dirt we were standing on, and looked at me with that familiar expression, not answering, and I knew he hadn't wanted to admit his mistake to everyone.

"Oh." I shook my head, smiling, with badly concealed irritation. "You're something else, do you know, Gojyo. Truly something else."

From the nervous look on his face I could see he really thought I should have been yelling at him, but he hissed, "You shoulda' bitched about having to piss sooner."

"Yes, well that's not why this is happening. Come along, we'll have to tell Sanzo-"

He caught my arm before I could take even one step. "We can't tell Sanzo. Those guy's'll never let me live it down."

"That's true. Come to think of it, I probably won't either." I laughed. "Shockingly enough, you didn't let us drive all the way to the Southern coast. Honestly though, what do you propose to do? He will notice when I turn back the way we came from."

"Yeah, well, but...I just thought..."

"You expect me to cover for you? To take the blame for this?"

My best friend shrugged lamely. "No."

"Lies."

"Dude. Sanzo's gonna' have my head."

"I see you have no concern for the state of _my_ head."

"He likes you. Or something. He'll cut you some slack. The monkey's scared shitless-he won't say shit about it. Not if it's you."

"Indeed. To err is Gojyo, to forgive is Hakkai." I sighed again.

He waited another moment before nudging at me and breaking into an uncertain grin. "C'mon. Partners. I'll owe you one."

"Oh...very well. But you can't sit up front anymore."

The grin fell off his face. "What? Why?"

"Because. I'm tired of hearing Goku complain about smoke in his face, and I'm tired of you lording that position over Sanzo, and most importantly, you've failed to adhere to the boundaries of our agreement. Furthermore, you're clearly not up to the task of being the navigator. End of story."

Gojyo frowned, sulkily.

"That's the end of it, Gojyo. To think I'm going to take the blame for this juvenile mistake..." I snatched the map from him, beginning to walk back to the others. "I must really like you. I must be out of my mind."

He followed me, grumbling, "Okay. All right. You're the best, okay?"

"You're absolutely right I am."

"I'm a screw up. A total screw up."

"That's absolutely indisputable." I broke back through the bushes, smiling brightly.

Sanzo and Goku watched us come back through. Goku was crouched on the ground beside the Jeep, cramming his mouth full of food, but Sanzo was smoking, eyeing us suspiciously. "What the hell were you two doing? Pissing together?"

"No, of course not." I answered with a laugh. "Well, at any rate, everyone back in the Jeep. We must be off at once."

"What about the break?" Goku whined.

"No time, I'm afraid. We're a touch off track."

Sanzo's eyes narrowed, "Off track? How did we get off track?"

"Nothing serious." I was already climbing in again, "It seems I missed a turn is all."

"Missed a turn?" Sanzo echoed, outraged, "That had better be a joke."

"If only it were. But no, I'm afraid we've gone some miles in the wrong direction."

"How many?" Goku was brave enough to ask.

"Ohhh..." I pretended to adjust my mirrors, then my seatbelt, pretended to consult the map. Gojyo was already sliding into the back seat, not saying a word. "A hundred miles."

Sanzo's eyes grew so wide, I feared they'd fall out of his head, "A hundred?!"

"Well. More or less. It's closer to a hundred and twenty. But not to worry. We'll just have to drive faster, and of course...we won't be reaching a town tonight. Probably."

Sanzo's face was dark with rage, but I just beamed back at him.

"Everyone makes mistakes, Sanzo."

"Except for you."

"Nonsense, I often make them. Generally, they aren't this _stupid_ I'll give you that; there really is no excuse for doing something this idiotic, but never-the-less."

"How?" Sanzo asked, tone turning somewhat threatening.

"I'm not sure. It seems we've missed our turn by a streak of pure idiocy."

I glanced in the rear view mirror to see Gojyo glaring at me, but only smiled that much more warmly.

Sanzo jabbed a finger in Gojyo's direction, "Last I knew, this dumb ass was in charge of the map."

"No, I relieved him of that duty several days ago when I discovered he was reading it upside down. It seems I'm only slightly more capable than he is, I'm afraid."

This final jab seemed to be a bit more than Gojyo could muscle through, "I was not reading the map upside-"

I turned in my seat to smile at him, "Gojyo, would you mind very much if I asked you to hush? I'm attempting to explain to Sanzo how I managed to make such an irritatingly juvenile mistake."

Gojyo grumbled under his breath.

"You're covering for him." Sanzo decided coldly. "He got us turned around, and you're covering for him. God _damn _you, Gojyo."

"Not at all." I started the Jeep. "It was a pilot error, one for which I'm most sincerely sorry, but never the less, it was my silly, stupid, unbelievably inconvenient, idiotic mistake, and I take full responsibility for it-I'm sure it will agitate me for days." I glanced at Gojyo again, but he was palming his face. "Now then. Would you like to get back on track, Sanzo, or would you prefer to waste more time discussing my shameless incompetence?"

"Hakkai, if I find out this moron got us turned around, and you're covering for him-"

"I'm sure there's nothing you would be able to do about it, but while we're on the subject, perhaps if you were willing to take breaks more frequently, and not force me to drive when I'm tired and uncomfortable, this might not happen again. Oh, my, it's beginning to get dark, isn't it?"

By this time, Sanzo's glare was turning a bit resigned.

I continued to smile, unfalteringly, at him.

"What are you doing?" He demanded at last.

"I'm inviting you to join me, here in the front. After all, we've seen now that those two will likely bicker whether they're next to each other or not, so we may as well."

He did not relent.

"If you please, Sanzo."

Then, at last, with a loud sniff and a long, hard look at me, he got in.

"Thank you."

Goku jumped in, and I began to drive, whipping around in an abrupt u-turn and speeding up the way we'd come.

"Scoot over. Ya' take up too much room, stupid tall-ass kappa."

"It ain't my fault I got long legs, shrimpy."

"Yeah, but you're crowdin' me!"

"So get over there on your side."

"I am on my side! Hey. How come I have to sit back here with Gojyo? He sucks!"

"Now, now, Goku, we all have to weather through how incorrigible Gojyo is; please try to be patient."

"Yo!" Gojyo said, a little angrily, "it ain't my fault you're used to snuggling back here with Sanzo, monkey-face!"

"We don't snuggle! Least Sanzo's nice an' quiet, an' small, an' doesn't get ev'rybody lost!"

"I didn't get us lost! Hakkai did! And if you love Sanzo so much, go up there and sit on his dick!"

Sanzo scoffed, "Do we _really _have to tolerate that stupid asshole?"

"I'm afraid so." I laughed. "More to the point, I insist." Then I said, loudly, "However, it would certainly be _nice_ if the back seat could be silent, at least until I've gotten us on track again and I'm no longer humiliated by my astoundingly stupid mistake."

Immediately, Gojyo broke off whatever insult he was shouting at Goku and grumbled, "Lighten up, Hakkai, it wasn't _that_ stupid."

I smiled in the mirror at him, pleasantly.

He scowled back, but I merely laughed, "Truly something else indeed."


End file.
